Let's Be Real: Homelessness

What does that actually mean?

Homelessness.

You know the word. You know what it means.

Maybe.

Quick exercise: Think of three terms you would use to describe someone who is homeless. Or even one word. (Please, just do it.)

Ok, cool. Thanks. No judgment here if you’re politically incorrect– we’ve had certain stigmas shoved down our throats for forever. The thing is, a lot of us just don’t know what we’re talking about. Let’s be honest with ourselves about that. If you can, I’d love for you to read on.

You don’t have to be an activist, just a compassionate listener. That’s all I ask from you right now.

Here, I’ll throw some phrases at you, and whether or not you hold these opinions, I’m going to hop on my soap box and be frank– because you deserve honesty.

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#1: “Homeless people don’t want to work!”

I don’t either. But I CAN work. Lots of people CAN’T.

Here’s why I (and probably you) CAN work:

• I’ve got a home address. And an ID with it on it.

• I’ve got a car and money for a bus pass and legs to walk to the bus stop.

• I don’t have a criminal record (not even a minor offense, like loitering, that can be related to homelessness itself).

• I’ve got peach smelling shampoo and the drag of doing laundry so I have clean clothes.

• My job pays more than minimum-wage.

• I don’t have kids, but if I did, I could drive them to grandma’s or a daycare.

• I can read and write and lift 20 lbs and do very basic math.

• I have stability, like being able to sleep in my bed next to my phone charger every night.

• I know that every day I will eat.

• Heck, I can buy my very needed bottle of Prozac every month for dirt cheap (thanks, workplace insurance.)

I can keep showing up to work because I consistently have these things.

People without these things, and thus unable to work, aren’t lazy. They’re unsupported and lack what they need. (PS: many people who are homeless DO work.)

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#2: “Homelessness only happens to people who made bad choices.”

Imagine:

You’re a good student athlete, a senior in high school, living at home. Your girlfriend breaks up with you, and your heart is ripped in two. You don’t know how to cope, so you turn to drinking beer. Your drinking gets worse, so your parents kick you out. You never graduate. 20 years later, you’re still sleeping on the sidewalk.

This is the true story of someone I talked to recently.

You’re married, raising three kids. Your husband starts cheating and getting physically abusive and you know you have to get the kids out of there ASAP. You get on a bus with them to a nearby city, thinking you know someone that would let you crash for a bit, but that falls through. Your kids grow up and figure it out, but you’re still sleeping in your car.

This is the true story of someone I talked to recently.

You’re highly educated and have worked for 30 years in a prestigious field. Your long-time best friend tragically loses her life. It breaks you down so much that you start missing work because you’re constantly physically sick with grief. You lose your job. Your apartment. You can’t afford to be your elder sibling’s caretaker anymore. Now you’re sleeping in any motel you can afford.

This is the true story of someone I talked to recently.

I could go on. But I won’t. You hopefully get the point.

(See also: medical debt, lack of affordable housing, intimate partner violence, income just not cutting it, lack of family/friends, being in a rural area, systemic inequities…none of which are choices.)

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#3: “Homelessness is people sleeping on the streets.”

Fun-fact, these things also qualify as housing instability: shelters, motels, cars, garages, couch-surfing, eviction risks, difficulty paying rent, frequent moves, overcrowding, unsafe/poor-quality housing…

Street homelessness is just the visible tip of the iceberg. People living unsheltered are the most noticeable, but so many people are hidden. Especially with encampment ordinances, people must put more effort into being unseen. This doesn’t mean the people or their problems go away, it’s just less visible to us. The harder things are to see, the easier it is to ignore them.

Limiting homelessness to “the streets” erases large groups, such as children and families experiencing housing insecurity, and reinforces stereotypes. Open your eyes.

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#4: “People choose to be homeless because it’s the easiest option.”

As long as homelessness includes exposure to extreme weather, violence, theft, hunger, illness, visible loss of communities, public stigma/judgment/degradation, police sweeps, and physical/emotional exhaustion… it’s not the easiest option. Come on, guys.

Mind-blowing, I know, but: It’s rarely a choice. Most people become unhoused due to systemic issues like job loss, unaffordable rent, eviction, intimate partner violence, medical bills, or lack of mental health/addiction support (see point 2) — not because they “want” to be.

And no, people can’t just “opt out”. People who turn down certain shelters often do so because those shelters may be unsafe, overcrowded, have strict rules (curfews, separation from partners or pets), or limit autonomy. That’s not “choosing homelessness,” it’s choosing safety or dignity in a bad situation.

And, what if, there’s not even a shelter or housing assistance TO turn down? For many, there are no affordable apartments, shelters are full, or assistance programs have long waitlists. The system doesn’t provide a true “choice” to begin with.

Framing homelessness as a personal “choice” is a distraction from the real problems we’ve created and that continue to perpetuate homelessness. No one chooses instability. No one chooses abuse. No one chooses trauma. No one chooses addiction. And I WILL die on that hill.

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#5: “You shouldn’t give money to panhandlers.”

Do it, or don’t. It’s up to you. Then, move on.

The message to ‘never give cash’ removes choice — both your choice as a giver, and the recipient’s choice in meeting their own needs. Why are we telling people what they can or can’t do with their money? Are we assuming some sort of moral high-ground? That’s annoying. BTW- assuming people are going to use your cash to buy drugs or alcohol comes across (in my opinion) as dehumanizing, stigmatizing, and also annoying.

People know their needs best. Cash gives autonomy. People can decide whether they need food, bus fare, hygiene supplies, shoes, phone credit, a bottle of Tylenol, or something else. Shelters and other local resources just can’t provide everything a person needs every second of every day.

And hey– even if someone does use your cash to buy drugs or alcohol? That’s the way that the world goes ‘round. Move on.

Even a super brief interaction where someone is SEEN and treated with compassion can restore someone’s dignity.

For pete’s sake… Just be nice. Smile, look someone in the eyes, say hi, ask what’s up. Give if you want to, or support in other ways, but respect people’s agency. Give cash or don’t. Then, move on. (A good friend said this best, recently.)

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Conclusion

This is just a sound-bite and there’s plenty of people that know much more than I do, so I encourage you to keep talking to and learning from others. There’s a lot of good people out there.

What now? Spare your pity. Respond with empathy. We’re all human. We all go through stuff. If you can help someone in any way, please do it. Don’t give into harmful narratives. Learn the facts. You don’t have to know everything, just give compassion. Face the reality – even when, and especially when – it makes you uncomfortable.

Thanks for reading.